Authentic Safari Experience - Anonymous employee Cloudera Employee Review

Merger is being run by consultants and the higher ups that are funding them - like a horror story with no ending. Decisionmaking for the merger makes the process of electing a new Pope seem transparent. By the time the work is actually given to the lower ranks, it is too late to raise any concerns or warnings about the decisions that management has made and things that management failed to consider - management knows everything. As for the work itself, full speed ahead, no pausing for a break. If you’re involved in the merger integration and not at least a sr manager, don’t bother bringing your ideas to the table. Don’t even bother bringing your brain to meetings unless you’re a parrot. Preferred option is to let the leaders shake up the money tree in the name of the merger and hire consultants to repeat the exact same things people have already told them (albeit packaged more nicely in a fancy ppt, a nice suit plus a bow on top) and hold long meetings with all the managers and their extended families. See the wiki for a chart demonstrating the positive correlation between consultant pay rate and the value of their opinions. Cloudera cares so much about consultant career growth that the entry level ones had to start their career paths creating those merger-related posters plastered around the office. The worst leaders simply send their consultant brigades around the office to do their dirty work while they go and seek shelter in anticipation of the ensuing revolt over their shoddy merger decisions. If the company bleeds to death, thank the big 4 for their help. Bogus titles & roles have been concocted for the favorites & old guard just to keep them employed, even when they add no value and should have been sent packing after merger. These are the ones where you need to take 3 deep breaths to have enough air to do an introduction complete with name, title and tenure. The more corrupt you are, the more resources you get. If Cloudera is Titanic 2.0, HR is the group tasked with locking the gates so the passengers can’t escape. They tell people that the ship isn’t actually sinking because they anticipated approx 3 cups of water entering the ship, and our perception of the situation is incorrect. The sun will come up tomorrow and it’ll be back to business as usual…except…people stop believing this stuff after a while. While this all unfolds, HR colludes with the special inner circle to promote condescending managers and give more headcount so the shady hiring managers who have driven away their best performers can bring on more cronies to weigh down the ship. Hope they all enjoy their fine wine and cigars at the bottom of the sea once the smart ones have escaped on life rafts and the ship sinks. One might ask, why not raise concerns to HR? It’s not worth it. For an org more concerned about correcting the perception of employees than about fixing actual issues, our issues just get in the way of more important things like infusing survey results with a sugary concoction before they’re presented to the masses. For Christmas, Santa needs to ram a giant mirror down the chimney that they can use to do some reflection on what their lack of action is(n’t) accomplishing. That’s the only way they’ll see that creating an actual work culture people want to be a part of doesn’t start with things like personality tests and feedback training. And instead of outsourcing learning to Lynda, they should have started their work by attending every new hire onboarding session and having a real plan the first day the merger closed.